Don't Feel Right
My eyes are open cuz I'm really a watchman
And when I'm writin' my thoughts out
Really I'm boxing
My main adversary: any silly concoction
The more I listen to this Roots album, the better I like it. It's nice to have the real Black Thought back, even if he still relies too much on changing word pronunciations to make them rhyme.
Beyond being a hypnotic track musically, this song's been resonating with me over the past few weeks as I've been plowing through some personal issues of my own. This latest round has again left me with the inescapable fact that I just don't feel right. True, undistracted, no-holds-barred introspection is generally pretty painful for me, as I'm often forced to acknowledge things I wish weren't there. The unavoidable question then writes itself: so what am I going to do about it?
And the answer is, I don't know. I don't frickin' know. Today I've felt like I'm a haze. Partially that's due to the fact that I woke up at 2AM this morning to drive from Santa Fe to Albuqerque to catch a 5AM flight back to San Jose. But it's more than that. I spend a lot of time these days just sitting, staring, thinking. Going through all my thoughts, trying to fill in the gaps in my consciousness, wrestling with my wants / desires / needs / motivations. Trying to reconcile often conflicting interests.
Would life be more enjoyable or not worth living, if the 20/20 vision of hindsight could instead be foresight? What if there were no regrets? How can regrets be turned into something positive?
And when I'm writin' my thoughts out
Really I'm boxing
My main adversary: any silly concoction
The more I listen to this Roots album, the better I like it. It's nice to have the real Black Thought back, even if he still relies too much on changing word pronunciations to make them rhyme.
Beyond being a hypnotic track musically, this song's been resonating with me over the past few weeks as I've been plowing through some personal issues of my own. This latest round has again left me with the inescapable fact that I just don't feel right. True, undistracted, no-holds-barred introspection is generally pretty painful for me, as I'm often forced to acknowledge things I wish weren't there. The unavoidable question then writes itself: so what am I going to do about it?
And the answer is, I don't know. I don't frickin' know. Today I've felt like I'm a haze. Partially that's due to the fact that I woke up at 2AM this morning to drive from Santa Fe to Albuqerque to catch a 5AM flight back to San Jose. But it's more than that. I spend a lot of time these days just sitting, staring, thinking. Going through all my thoughts, trying to fill in the gaps in my consciousness, wrestling with my wants / desires / needs / motivations. Trying to reconcile often conflicting interests.
Would life be more enjoyable or not worth living, if the 20/20 vision of hindsight could instead be foresight? What if there were no regrets? How can regrets be turned into something positive?
posted by GregP at 9:17 PM
2 Comments:
First thing to figure out is the nature of your regrets, what really drives them. That will help you make decisions about what to do next. That can a take a pretty long time actually.
In the meantime, I'm a big fan of little things. I really do need to do things one step at a time. When I decided I wanted to be healthier, it was a slow and steady change in diet which really breaks down into the food I buy and how I value more expnsive but higher quality food.
I thought you were on to something with the skateboarding, maybe a little overkill, but you did it. How's that working out for you?
I've been purposely vague here, but I like the little steps approach too. However starting on a path requires you know where you're going, and that's what I'm trying to figure out now.
I like what you said about regrets; that's what I've been doing, trying to figure out drives them, is there a pattern to them? If so, how can I break out of the pattern?
Regarding the skateboarding, there wasn't really too much to that, other than making an example of something I'd been thinking about for a while but for one reason or another hadn't acted on. I haven't made too much progress, as I'm stuck with an ollie problem (damn board keeps turning sideways when I pop it, making it land perpendicular to the direction I was going). I'm thinking maybe my next step is to just go to a skatepark, which I'd held off on up to now because a) I don't have the mandatory pads, and b) I wanted to find a time when the park wasn't full of little kids.
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