An Unwelcome Message From The Mailman
Occasionally I get prank phone calls, or more specifically, prank phone messages, on both my cell and office phones. Strangely, the calls always show a caller ID number that matches that of a certain friend of mine whose real identity I'll protect and innocence I'll presume by simply referring to him as "Richard C". But I'm certain that such a friendly, considerate, kind-hearted person such as he could not possibly be harassing me in this manner. There must be some mixup.
Anyway, on New Year's Day I received a message apparently from that most well-known of all wack Bay Area rappers, E-40, AKA The Mailman, AKA Charlie Hustle, AKA The Ballatician, AKA Captain Save-A-Ho, AKA 40 Fonzarelli, AKA 40 Water (you can see his website here, where I think the street signs speak for themselves):
"Hey wassup Greg, this is E-fawdee, I'm just calling all my weeples out there to wish you a nappy new year. Alright, later!"
Disturbingly, this is the fourth or fifth message I've received from this bama, whose music and style I loathe with a passion. E popularized the goofy "ghost ride the whip" anthem, as well as the "hyphy" phenomenon, and has helped wreak incalculable damage to the Bay Area's hip-hop identity. E has made a style out of rapping in a high-pitched, erratic, annoyingly sharply-enunciated voice that is like nails on a chalkboard to my hip-hop sensibility. It must be that my vocal distaste for the guy has come to his attention and now he's trying to win me over with niceties.
Well, I got news for ya - it ain't gonna happen, E, it just ain't. I'm still upset about that time in '95 when I unsuspectingly bought your album "In A Major Way" because you had 2Pac on the "Dusted N Disgusted" track, and how shocked I was with what utter crap your material actually was. And to think that you hailed from the same area that produced Solesides/Quannum and Hieroglyphics! I felt violated. Violated!
So make sure ya heard, E, I ain't no fan and never will be. You and all your wack hyphy associates can just step off!
Anyway, on New Year's Day I received a message apparently from that most well-known of all wack Bay Area rappers, E-40, AKA The Mailman, AKA Charlie Hustle, AKA The Ballatician, AKA Captain Save-A-Ho, AKA 40 Fonzarelli, AKA 40 Water (you can see his website here, where I think the street signs speak for themselves):
"Hey wassup Greg, this is E-fawdee, I'm just calling all my weeples out there to wish you a nappy new year. Alright, later!"
Disturbingly, this is the fourth or fifth message I've received from this bama, whose music and style I loathe with a passion. E popularized the goofy "ghost ride the whip" anthem, as well as the "hyphy" phenomenon, and has helped wreak incalculable damage to the Bay Area's hip-hop identity. E has made a style out of rapping in a high-pitched, erratic, annoyingly sharply-enunciated voice that is like nails on a chalkboard to my hip-hop sensibility. It must be that my vocal distaste for the guy has come to his attention and now he's trying to win me over with niceties.
Well, I got news for ya - it ain't gonna happen, E, it just ain't. I'm still upset about that time in '95 when I unsuspectingly bought your album "In A Major Way" because you had 2Pac on the "Dusted N Disgusted" track, and how shocked I was with what utter crap your material actually was. And to think that you hailed from the same area that produced Solesides/Quannum and Hieroglyphics! I felt violated. Violated!
So make sure ya heard, E, I ain't no fan and never will be. You and all your wack hyphy associates can just step off!
posted by GregP at 11:57 AM
4 Comments:
Hmmm...perhaps your sarcastic tone didn't translate to well over cyberspace, but do you think this is for real?
Yes, well, I thought my sarcasm would come through clearly by obliquely mentioning that I suspect my friend "Richard C" but apparently I didn't do a good enough job ...
Maybe you should have used "R. Charles".
No, that definitely would have been too revealing. Remember how I said I wanted to protect his presumed innocence?
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